Let’s be honest—growing up isn’t always a walk in the park. For me, it felt more like navigating a minefield of awkward moments, questionable fashion choices (thanks, early 2000s), and, yes, the occasional run-in with bullies. But there’s one thing my mum did that completely changed how I saw those bullies—and myself.

Whenever I came home feeling crushed by hurtful words or teasing, my mum always did the same thing. She’d sit with me, listen without interrupting, and ask me one simple question:

“What does this say about them?”

The Power of Perspective
At first, I didn’t get it. I was too busy feeling like the problem was me—my clothes, my hair, my laugh, my everything. But my mum’s question slowly started to shift my perspective. Instead of focusing on what the bullies said, she made me think about why they said it.

We’d talk about how someone might be mean because they were feeling hurt themselves, or maybe they didn’t know a better way to express their feelings. It wasn’t about excusing their behaviour—it was about understanding it. And that understanding gave me a kind of shield.

It’s Not About You
Here’s the thing: bullies often act out because of something going on in their world, not yours. My mum helped me see that their words weren’t a reflection of my worth. They were a reflection of their own struggles.

That realisation was like a lightbulb moment. It didn’t make the teasing hurt less overnight, but it gave me the confidence to stand tall and not take it personally. I started to see that the problem wasn’t me—it was something going on with them.

A Shield of Confidence
Over time, that one question became my secret weapon. Whenever someone said something mean, I’d ask myself, “What does this say about them?” And more often than not, the answer had nothing to do with me.

It didn’t mean I never felt hurt or frustrated, but it gave me a way to process those feelings without letting them define me. I learned to walk away with my head held high, knowing that my worth wasn’t up for debate.

Passing It On
Now, as a parent myself, I find myself asking my kids the same question when they come home upset. It’s not about dismissing their feelings—it’s about helping them see that they’re not the problem. It’s about giving them the tools to stand tall, no matter what anyone says.

So, if you’re dealing with bullies—or helping your kids navigate them—remember this: their behaviour says more about them than it does about you. And that’s a perspective worth holding onto.

Next time you or your little one faces a tough moment, try asking, “What does this say about them?” It might just give you the strength to stand tall and see things in a whole new light. And remember, you’re not alone—we’re all in this parenting jungle together!